For most of my life, I have always felt very different from people around me. I have wondered for so long why people around me have seemed foreign. I have never understood "appropriate" or "normal" human interactions. It has always been a puzzle that I have been unable to solve leading to countless awkward moments which provide laughter in my best moments and stinging humiliation in my worst moments.
Today, I decided to start writing online again. Previously, I used blogs as journals of my personal life with my identity exposed. I opted to remain unknown this time. I feel like my personal life is too important to jeopardize at this point.
Lately, I've been researching Asperger's syndrome and have felt quite conflicted about it. I've been depressed on and off ever since social life involved more than playing on the playground. I have always been extremely introverted and have received much ridicule about this fact. At other times, I was just ignored or dismissed as strange. The unfortunate truth is that I have plenty to say - I just don't care to interact socially most of the time. My interests encompass many topics. I have pursued countless hobbies until I knew more than enough information about them than most would desire. I have always been able to occupy myself in hopelessly boring situations. My most treasured moments are those spent by myself or with the few people who have penetrated my shell.
My biggest problem right now is that I feel like I'm being left behind. I have no intellectual deficits. I have always been a great student. However, I am a college graduate who feels like adult life is repulsive in ways - a Holden Caulfield of sorts. I know that, in order to continue forward, I must assimilate and compromise. I'm trying my best at the moment, but it is difficult not to feel hopeless when people my own age seem light years ahead of me in various life pursuits.
I have so many passions and desires that I jump between on a daily basis. It is difficult to feel strongly about so many things and then fail to execute steps towards these goals. I hope to direct myself in these posts so that my life can flourish.
